Turnip Removed From Tournament For Suspected Steroid Use

The turnip claims its large physique is caused from a hormone imbalance due to a pituitary disorder. Turnip is currently undergoing drug-testing before it can continue its endorsements towards young kids yet claims its juice is "o-natural." The children's book deal has currently been injected rejected.

Sarah Palin Sent To Hospital For Choking On Her Words

If you didn’t get enough of her policies during the first McCainian round of Maverick hoopla, she’s here to shove her nim-witted perspective in your face one more time, only this time, behind the paraphrased and clearly edited writing skills of her ghost writer. Promoting her new book, “Going Rogue”, Palin continued to defend herself and blame others for her campaign loss in 2008 on her appearance on Oprah. The young female rogue seemed to being having some trouble halfway through her interview.

She begins to ramble, “ W e l l , l e t ' s s e e . T h e r e ' s o f c o u r s e in this great history of America, gosh darn it, doncha just luv this country, but like I was saying, when it comes to issues like public option for healthcare, which Biden is a big believer and, well, I blame some of my campaign advisers on prepping me on certain issues, and, well, the fact that Russia is so close to my house has to count for something right? I mean foreign policy and 9-11 dog bat cat wall and purple stinky Chinkychack….”

Palin started turning blue. It appeared via live recoding that Palin was literally choking on her own rhetoric. With lowered levels of oxygen flowing to her brain she starting spitting out more insane words which could only be described as a state of delirium.

“ I n g r e a t h i s t o r y A m e r i c a r u l i n g there t h e r e ' s g o i n g not never a b s o l u t e c o n s e n s u s A m e r i c a n , i s s u e s , R o e v . Biden , s t a t e l e v e l a n d a d d r e s s e d. S o , y o u k n o w , A m e r i c a , … you know reform job it to be about ….”

It wasn’t long after this, Palin fell from out of her chair and needed medical assistance of ambulance and resuscitation. Upon treating the woman warrior, they had found out too much surprise, Palin had no healthcare coverage. C.P.R. were not the letters of a true Maverick. D.I.Y. apparently were. Well, we can all see how this unfolds….

We were amazed, though, this untimely incident didn’t occur on that famous Couric interview months prior to the election where her incoherent rambling sentence structure; her throwing-in of a few compound phrases; and the way she ends the fragment with an up-note inflection, were all tell-tale signs of a Stage 5 Incoherence: a clear medical condition found in rambling pseudo-political celebrity want-to-be politicians and their incessant use of Ad Hominems and Non Sequiturs. Going Rogue never sounded so wrong.