There’s word of some new gadget do-hicky thing soon to be
released on the market to help combat overeating. The vibrating fork is an
electronic gadget that does exactly what you think it does: it vibrates when it
senses that you’re eating too quickly. Due to the fact that people can’t help “but
stuff their fucking faces like a Dyson vacuum on crack cocaine,” science and
technology are trying to solve America’s obesity epidemic by sending out
vibrations via eating utensils. If this seems to have little impact, Food
Pyramid Officials have been designated to walk around food courts tazing “competitive
eaters” with cattle-prods telling them to “slow-the-fuck down!”
