For most people, it is not an automatic response to love
others and love yourself. For most people, they say it is something they have
“to work at on a daily basis.” People say they tend to focus on the “have-nots”
instead of the “haves” which creates a feeling inside of themselves that they
aren’t good enough, strong enough, worthy of being loved by others.
Richard
Thompson, recorded as the “happiest motherfucker to ever walk this planet,”
says the secret lies in having an attitude of gratitude, counting all your
amazing and wonderful blessings, and find the joy in the little things. People
were stunned by his completely quixotic and optimistic view on life and acting
like, “what the what???? This guy must be suffering from some kind of mental
disorder to be this happy."
Happiness, also labeled as “Major Affective
Disorder, Pleasant Type,” is primarily a peptide imbalance currently short-circuiting Richard’s brain, and that peptide-imbalance led him to his latest and greatest
invention: The Love Gun.
“Yea, Cupid’s got his little bow and arrow, but I wanted
something people could really relate to. People love their guns in this
country. People also like to feel good, to feel loved. So why not smash those
two ideas together?”
“The thought occurred to me when a miserable friend was
ranting about his loneliness and turned to me and said, ‘I just need like a
fucking drive-by shooting of love and happiness.’ That’s when the idea hit me.
So I made this semi-automatic that shoots love bullets at people who are
feeling down. Bang! Fuckin’ perky and loving! Problem solved!”
“Angry from rush hour? Finicky day at work? Not feeling like
a contributing member of society? Pop.Pop.Pop.Pop.Pop.Pop. And now everyone’s
good to go! I feel like the more people I can shoot throughout my day, I feel
like I’ve really done my part and can stand tall and proud knowing I’ve helped
someone.”
Opponents to the Love Gun voice their concerns about the
Love Gun getting into the hands of the wrong people, too many Love Guns on the
street, and Love Gun trafficking. “You can’t just go around shooting people
with positive emotion! That’s not the kind of world we live in!! Where would
the dark emo musicians of our time go? The dark art? The bad poetry? I mean
think about how crazy it could get if everyone walked around all fucking happy,
joyous, and free! It’s absolutely absurd!”
While nihilistic, pessimistic, and self-masochistic people
oppose these emotionally-uplifting shooting rampages, they also note, “I’m not
gonna take my chances out there. I’m just gonna stay in this dark miserable and
lonely hellhole of my apartment—where it’s safe.”
The Love Gun is set to a judicial hearing about it’s terms
of use, safety requirements, and justified use of “improving the lives of others in the world”
this summer.
