Down to less than a month away before voters hit the polls
this upcoming November, means it’s politician-bashing season to see which
candidate will stay afloat amongst the multitude of slanderous attack ads. But
after one Obama ad using Big Bird to attack Mitt Romney’s policy to cut subsidized funding for PBS in an effort to reduce the deficit, it got some voters
talking, including Big Bird himself. Big Bird appeared on Larry King Live last
night to talk about how Romney's plan will destroy the lives of so many good people.
Bird said, “This is a complete and utter disgrace coming
from some super right-winged Republican trying to what?... Crack down on
government spending? The man’s indicative of conservative family values, who
should know, that PBS brings you Sesame Street, a family show that has educated and
entertained young children for decades. I mean, God, I fucking helped raise his
kids, that bastard, and he wants to take away my show. Fuck no! That does not
fly with me.”
As King tried to chime in with questions to Bird, Bird
interrupted by saying,
“Larry, I mean we got a whole street of washed-up muppets
trying to make it in this country… he’s gonna take away our jobs, our homes,
our very way of living. Where the hell are we gonna go when he kicks us off
Sesame Street?! I’ll tell ya where! Skid-fucking-row! You want to see Big Bird
slammin’ and slangin’ speedballs just to make it in this world? I don’t have
any higher education or even a damn high school diploma for that matter. What
the hell I’m I gonna do now? Flip burgers? Can’t work Chick Fil-A cuz of all
their open indignation against same-sex marriage. I mean, c’mon Larry, I’m gay.
I’m also a chicken. I’m a gay chicken head with a 6th grade
education. You take away Sesame Street, and you’re damn sure I’m gonna start
molting and revolting."
Bird said he’s been in the process of making “Occupy Sesame
Street” signs for all muppet protestors on the playground.
“Our protest is brought to you by the letter “O” and ‘Oh how
were are NOT backing down on this one,’ the yellow feathered enthusiast said as
he pointed towards the camera and flipped the bird to Romney supporters who
might be watching.
King responded, “There had been talk of cutting government
funding to PBS because it was said that you [Big Bird] was overtly encouraging
the children on the show that same-sex marriage is a completely natural thing,
as well as saying, ‘It’s ok to be a little gay,’ as well as painting their nails
saying, ‘Sparkle for mamma, baby.’ Shouldn’t the show reflect somewhat of a
neutrality when it comes to issues of sexuality and the home?”
Bird denied all of King's comments. Bird's heated argument escalated to the point where
he was no longer articulating full sentences, but merely just squawking like a
duck. He started ripping out all his wing feathers with his beak and then
smashed CNN’s studio camera. Looks like this is one Big Bird that’s P’d about
the BS of this presidential candidate.
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