Tourette’s Epidemic Arises Due To Twitter Glitch

It was a very historic moment today when people experienced a Twitter glitch due to an overwhelming amount of users and activity. Twitter’s site went down for four hours starting at around 11 am only to return working around 3pm. Not only did people start feeling frustrated and even anxious, but they started freaking out like a heroin junkie going through withdrawal.
It was reported some people were snapping at co-workers, pulling out their hair, twitching uncontrollably, and cursing as if a sailor and truck driver got together and had a baby with Tourette’s.
After restraining one fuck-upped weirdo—eh hem, we mean Twitter enthusiast—in a straight jacket and fed him a couple Valium to calm his nerves, we asked him about his reaction to the website letting him down.
“I tweet every 30 minutes at this point. I was getting really angry that Twitter let me miss out on 8 separate and very important tweets. How else was someone going to know about the latte I had for breakfast, the itch on my balls, and most importantly, the glitch!! When they develop these sites and play with our dependency on them, they are fucking with our emotions and that’s where they really cross the line! I almost resorted going back to Facebook, and even more desperate, My Space.” As he said this, the loon began to cry in his sense of immediate loss to the rest of inane tweets given by all other members of society.
We witnessed the Twitter-slaves restarting their computers, shaking their monitors, yelling at screens, and crawling up into balls and crying in their swivel chairs. One rogue decided to sink to the Facebook level—a code Orange—and started a group called Tweet Riot. Date: Today at 2, Worldwide. BYOF. (Bring Your Own Followers).
As much as these fuck nuts wanted to tweet their frustrations about the glitch, one positive note was that there was a significant decline in Tweet-related car accidents. Although everyone was going ape-shit crazy in their cars, they were still able to focus on the road despite their manic fits of withdrawal from this popular social media site. It’s interesting to note, when a popular website crashes, less people seem to crash themselves. Although there was less traffic online, it didn’t do a god-damn thing for the 405. Ah, tw$#t traffic!