A new birth control was released yesterday from ContraTech Inc. that had women wondering about considering taking the contraceptive. Competing with other birth control pills like Othro-Try-Cyclen and Seasonique, ContraTech's new product aimed to combat excessive depression, cramping, and acne. It also had to compete with fewer lighter periods. With this insight, ContraTech invented and patented a new birth control called Fugghedaboutit, which combined the positive symptoms of both Seasonique and its predecessor. Fugghedaboutit allowed women to go five years without menstruating, no flow, and actually increased breast size by a full cup. Side effects include: making women more social, extreme exuberance, loss of weight, idealistically attractive, tolerable to be around, and most importantly, could make Snoop Dogg look like Micheal Cera by smoking your asses under the table. No risk of heart attack here, my friend. Male counterparts seemed to have no qualms about this new pill. Women who experienced typical side effects of old medications caused break ups, divorce, and sometimes even a phone and address change. Although women weren't too psyched up about a five-year-family-making hiatus, men nationwide screamed in unison over the invention of the new B.C.--that same pinnacle utterance when getting with his lady friend, "Are you on the--??" and she responds, "Fugghedaboutit."
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