With the crazy hype of positive thinking has gotten everybody thinking, "What is this thing called The Secret I keep hearing so much about?" Unless you've been living under a rock all these years, The Secret is a methodology about using visualization and positive imagery techniques to manifest all the great things you want out of your life. But some people seemed to be more involved on a deeper level than others, and claim they visualize better and harder than anyone else ever could.
These are die-hard Secret fanatics. The have been spotted around the city preaching phrases like "you can have any thing you want, you just have to want it badly enough" and "visualize." The more hardcore Secret fanatics are a little more "assertive" with their tactics like screaming Drill-Sergeant-esque phrases like, "Goddammit visualize already", "Get your life together already, stupid and visualize stronger", and "the reason you suck at life is because you don't know how to think positive, dumb ass." One went even as far as, "The reason bad things happen to you is because you think negatively. Fucking turn that shit around and perk the fuck up, bitch!"
Some sociologists believe that people end up submitting to the new-wave religion/ideology/half-ass shit theory because positive thoughts seem to be a thing of the past. One follower named Jim said, "I mean, I thought you had to walk around all day feeling miserable about yourself, hating your job, and general existence. When I was told to just stop fucking thinking that way--man that was revolutionary! I'll pretty much believe anything those Secret fanatics tell me."
Upon saying this, Jim held up his entire book collection of the Secret, the videos, a Secret bobble head, Secret visualization mirror, Secret candles, Secret air freshener, Secret bedsheets and pillowcases, Secret toothbrush, Secret keychain, and a Secret jumpsuit. "Anything that can fast-track my positive thinking progress, I will totally buy that shit! Now, I'm literally surrounded by all fucking things positive, how could I fail now?"
Upon arriving at work, Jim got canned that day. It turns out, Jim got fired for day dreaming on the job, failing to turn in his business reports, and verbally harassing co-workers. Now Jim plans to return to the Secret Advocate Society and preach some fucking language of positive thinking. No plans for income, but Jim is now visualizing that "some fucking Cougar Sugar Mama will take care of me." Keep on dreaming!
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