There’s always some revolutionary breakthrough when it comes to psychotherapy. Whether it’s the help of talk therapy, psychiatric drugs, or a prescription to take your dog wherever you go, this one has topped the charts with quite a few of these ego-maniacal, self-absorbed, masochistic couch sitters. The “troubled” purported that their problems to trumped all others in society and demanded weekly medical assistance.
Move over Xanax, Valium, and Thorazine. The Hoeboken School Of Psychiatric Medicine is going au-natural with a little something they developed called Mental Floss. One quack said, “We got the idea when we started bothering the Dentistry and Oral Surgery Department. All they have are some plaque-scrapers, a waterpick, and a shit ton of anesthesia. And when everyone’s done rubbing their jaws they say, ‘Don’t forget to floss.’ If they could do it for the mouth, let’s do it to the brain.”
Dr. Jaws said, “What we have is revolutionary. What is so great about Mental Floss is that we can literally go inside and cut out all the crap that hides in the grooves of someone’s brain. We call this emotional plaque which, when not followed by brainwash, can cause a serious brain-disease called Emo-Meningitus. After flossing all that emotional crap that has been building up in between the grooves of the brain, people can continue on with ordinary living. Less crying here. Anxiety and mental anguish subside.”
This one lady comments, “Someone took my sandwich one time, and I seriously raged for an hour throwing all things around the office, cursing the sandwich gods, then hysterically crying while huddled up in a tiny little psycho ball. I really just thought this was normal. But then my psychiatrist said I suffered from a clinical disease that was diagnosed as a Stage 4 Mental Psycho Shit, and then gave me some Mental Floss. Talk about night and day! I stopped getting fired every month, formed relationships that lasted longer than a week, and I can say I am generally…What’s the word for that emotion?...Oh yah, that I’m happy. It’s pretty amazing.”
While more and more people start using Mental Floss, the vain attempts of wrist-slitting, bridge-jumping, and overdosing-on-a-shit-ton-of-aspirin-just-to-get-some-attention have reached a record low.
The psychiatrists are thrilled because, instead of needing to anesthetize themselves during therapy session to get through, they can now just hand over some Mental Floss and send their patients on their sunshiney ways. Although, the shrinks keep stealing Novicaine from those dental bastards for recreational use.
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