It comes to no news that the financial sector is fucked four ways from Friday, but in an effort to increase revenue among banks nationwide, multiple banks are now applying brand new fees to rape consumers’ wallets while getting around old restrictions. It comes to no surprise that these financial institutions went bat-shit crazy with new fees and regulations that will take effect early January of 2012. These fees include:
- Put a lean on your house if you fail to pay your credit card in full every month
- If your house has been foreclosed, they have the right to cut off all your fingers
- If you lose or cancel either your debit card or credit card, %700 interest rate will be applied to the new cards, and yes, it is required to attain new ones
Getting a new card will $1000 renewal fee
- If you do not currently hold a debit or credit card, the IRS will come after your ass and threaten you with tax evasion, money laundering, and trying to “evade your patriotic duty”
- The banks are always right, so no waiving of any of the above fees
- $100 fee will apply to every $20 withdrawal using a debit card
- $3,000 fee will apply for having less than $1,500 in your checking account
- Bank tellers are allowed to enforce these regulations at gun point is you dispute
- Compliance with these fees gets you more fines and penalties and increased interest rate
- You’re fucked.
Many consumers were outraged by these new fee hikes and shouted in unison while waiving and fist-pumping their fingerless nubs.
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