With all the buzz of Mexico’s new legislation on marriage reform, it comes to no surprise that AT&T has just announced that it has ordained itself in order to take on marriage contracts. AT&T, a renowned mobile communications company, has decided to expand its business beyond the mobile world and extend its services into the lives of its customers by offering marriage contracts. Known for its failed calls and draconian contracts, AT&T found opportunity to stay afloat by promoting a new feature: wedlock.
A rep from AT&T said, “We offer a variety of different marriage contracts so you can pick the one that’s right for you. Whatever your reason is for getting married, we can offer you a great plan with lots of new features. We realize the term “love” is such a vague promise that we broke the concept down into sub-tier groups. We realize “love” can take on many forms.
“Whether you marry out of desperation for some fool to take care of you financially because you’re a washed up desperate-can’t-do-anything-for-yourself skank, we offer the ‘Desperate Gold Digger’ Plan, with option for renewal after two years. This is great for the purchaser because it leaves her needing to care longer than after the ring is laid on that money-thirsty finger.”
“If you marry for parenting reasons, typically it’s the first guy you ever dated, we offer the ‘Got Knocked Up Too Soon’ Plan. This is an 18 year binding contract that says both parties ‘have to pay for shit’ so the kids are raised in a ‘conceivably normally-looking environment with two parents,’ and no one can skip town. Basically, it’s an agreement that shows that you love your unplanned love child.”
“If you marry out of companionship, we offer the ‘I Don’t Want To Die Alone’ Plan with the option to renew every five years depending on the partners’ health."
"And finally our last, least popular, if you want to marry out of love, we offer the ‘Out Of Love’ Plan, which basically operates as a “pay as you go” and just generally runs out when you’re done paying for it. No contract required.”
Even with the new plans in effect hopefully generating new business, AT&T will still apply exorbitant fees if breaking any of these contracts or by self-eliminating. So for whatever your reason for tying the knot, AT&T promises that you can stay committed without having to stay committed. AT&T is set to launch its new proposal with spokeswoman Beyonce who promotes the campaign with the popular phrase, “If you like it then you should’ve put a ring [tone] on it.” Nice, AT&T. Good form.
No comments:
Post a Comment