A local drunk from Seattle, Washington claimed that he found Zen after going on a three day bender at his local dive bar. He told newspapers the other day that he internalized the Buddhist philosophy in his daily morning rituals when he arrives to work on Mondays.
“Man I pretty much go HAM (Hard Ass Motherfucker) all weekend from the second I leave the office on Friday till Sunday night when I pass out—go to bed. Yea that shit’s pretty crazy all weekend but on Monday morning can I really say I’m truly Zen.”
After reaching for a cup of coffee and powering up his computer, the guy said, “I can truly exhibit the philosophy of ‘I am nothing’.” He also contributes his level of brain activity to the Zen teachings as well. “Yea, I can pretty much go all day without a thought in my head, pay attention to none of the chaos around me, and can truly say nothing runs through my head all day. I think I really practice an eight hour meditation while scrolling through Facebook and avoiding co-workers. I just don’t sit under a tree is all.”
What the area man constructed to be Zen, co-workers claimed was a Stage 3 mental retardation caused by the weekend whisky consumption and that he was just getting dumber by the second. “We give him a report to complete and he just says, ‘Let me meditate on that for a little bit, and then we never see it returned. He kinda just zones out at his computer looking like he’s thinking really hard, and some times we catch him with his eyes closed.”
The pseudo-Zen enthusiast was fired later that day and when we asked him what he thought about that he said, “I can’t really think anything of it,” then went outside and passed out under a tree.
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